I have read a lot about how to start a blog. Almost every article suggests opening with something witty and endearing. I even wrote up a few charming little posts keeping with that theme. But this is the one I’m going with, because this one is the truest at the moment. This blog is about me, a fumbling student, a highly emotional girl trying desperately to adult, a rather confused human. I have had so many good days, and I will have so many more. But this week sucked.
Let me take you back to a happier time. Its Valentine’s Day, and I got my dream gift. The cutest little goldfish that I named Tickle. As previously mentioned, I am highly emotional and therefore became very attached to this goldfish very quickly. Well on Monday, Tickle died (If I am depressing you already, you can stop reading now). I cried, Priscilla the helper died, my digs mates cried, it was all rather traumatic. But we had a funeral and I was ready to move on.
Later that day, my wonderful friends found a tortoise and rightfully thought he would be a wonderful addition to our lives. Amigo was an extremely cheerful tortoise. He ate all day, just like us, and ambled around looking confused, just like us. Wednesday rolls around. The tortoise ran away. The tortoise that filled the void Tickle had left actually ran away. I don’t even know if ran is the right description, being that he is a tortoise, but you get the picture.
I’m starting to feel like I can’t really cope. Work is piling up and stress levels are high. I have found myself in a class full of enigmatic, driven and highly intelligent people, and I just feel inadequate. The work is coming in with heat, and I can barely see my stunned face in the mirror for all the post-its of deadlines I optimistically stuck there. I decide to take myself off to Toposcope, a gorgeous mountain in Grahamstown, and just run all these frustrations out. I’m at the top, and I’m feeling good. It is beautiful up there, and I am in my happy place. It’s a hot day, but I soak up the sun. My legs are burning, but it’s an addictive pain. My mind is clear, and there is a snake by my feet. Wait. Yup, a snake. And it’s not chilling either. It rears itself up, and makes a dive for me. Thankfully, it falls short and quickly slithers into the bushes in that terrifying way that they do. In a state of complete panic, all tranquil feeling flying out the proverbial window, I tear off down the hill. I rapidly transform from a serene runner gracefully jogging along a stunning landscape, to a crazed, red faced, frizzy hair creature fumbling down the mountain with a wild look in her eye.
And here we are on Friday. I’m zipping around in my car, looking for Amigo the tortoise. There is a snapping noise, and my car breaks. I’m sure there are far more technical terms for what happened, but the gist of it is, my two week old car, Biscuit, broke.
So I sit at my computer, and I rack my brains for quirky little ways to start my first blog post, and I decide to stop. I reflect on my week and I giggle a little. It was a shocker. I felt sad this week, at some stages I wanted to toss my degree to the wind and head for the hills (except Toposcope, for obvious reasons). Instead, I made myself a cup of tea (if you follow my blog, you will find I often make myself a cup of tea). I then called my sister and my best friend to have a cry. And halfway through my rant to them, I giggled again. It is so incredibly human to feel sad, and to need tea, and to want my friends, and suddenly I was smiling. I have an incredible boyfriend, who knows I want goldfish over flowers any day. I have amazing friends, who found a little tortoise to cheer me up, and for a blissful two weeks, I had a car that my loving parents worked hard to get for me.
Now, I’m not saying that I’m sitting here with a massive grin on my face. This isn’t a fairy-tale, the happy ending isn’t right around the corner. But I’m also not sitting here in tears. I had a bad week. I am twenty years old, and sometimes it feels like the universe is just having a bit of a go at me. But sometimes my tummy aches from laughing so hard, or my heart warms at the love I feel and give, and I feel proud of who I am and what I can do. People have bigger problems than me. But that doesn’t take away my right to be sad, or feel sorry for myself. And right now I do. Tomorrow, I’m going to wake up early, go for a run, and be happy. I’m going to do good things for myself, and good things for others.
This week sucked, but I will make next week better. And if it’s not, then I will try again the following week.